


Sick

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-11
Updated: 2004-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin is ill and he and Brian go through the trials of dealing with it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

“You look like shit, Sunshine.”

“Yeah, I know, thanks. I feel like it too,” his self-esteem plummeted. He had hoped Brian wouldn’t notice that he was looking even more frail than usual, but he knew he would.

Justin woke up that morning with a terrible headache and he felt like he couldn’t even move. It took all of his strength to climb out of bed and put on some sweat pants. He didn’t care about looking good; he just wanted to be comfortable. 

“Want me to call in to the diner to tell Debbi you won’t be able to make it today?” Brian asked, honestly concerned for Justin’s health. He had never seen his lover look so exhausted, even after a night full of sexual excursions that kept him from sleep for another 24 hours. 

“I’ll be fine,” he tried to pass it off. “It’s probably just a cold of some sort. The weather is starting to get cooler. I’m just a bit more susceptible to what is out there. Maybe I should start taking a multi-vitamin every day.” He forced a smile out to make Brian feel better, but he wasn’t buying it.

“Well, at least let me make you breakfast.” He knew as well as Justin that he was terrible in the kitchen, but he would at least try. He had to be able to whip up something that was at it’s least, edible. Eggs and toast seemed easy enough. So he started at it.

“Just make sure you don’t burn the place down, Love. We’d both be out of a place to live; and your friends aren’t as accommodating towards me.” Again, he forced out a smile. Why was he feeling so weak? He had gotten to bed at a decent hour last night, and all he and Brian did was shower, and the things that came along with that. He had never felt so worn out, so old, in his life. At twenty-one, he felt more like he was fifty-one, and obese. This cold was kicking his ass, and not in a good way.

He observed as Brian struggled with the menial task of scrambling eggs and he had to admit, it was cute as hell. The way his lover bit his bottom lip in frustrations made his stomach do a flip that he had felt before when watching Brian trying to be the best at what he wasn’t. 

“Whoa there cowboy, put the setting on three,” Justin commanded and motioned towards the toaster. The smoke alarm would surely go off if Brian kept it on eight. No need to cause a fuss if there was no real reason. Brian just smiled, that looked like a partial grimace at being told he was wrong. He complied anyway. 

Justin was beginning to feel lightheaded and a little nauseated, but he wasn’t going to tell Brian that. He would probably just wait until the brunette left and would call in to tell Debbi he wouldn’t be in today. He didn’t want Brian to worry about him and call him off and on to make sure he was okay. He secretly feared standing up from the barstool for the fact that he knew he would fall down to the ground. He should have a bit more strength after he ate, or at least he hoped.

Justin faked that he really did like the semi-burnt eggs and the dry toast. Brian actually believed him, right up until he took a bite for himself. “You’re such a bad liar, Sunshine. This shit is disgusting. Silly me for thinking I could cook. Maybe I need one of those “Cooking for Dummies” manuals. They have them for everything else.”

Justin kept shoveling the food into his mouth, hoping he would regain some energy. His mind was so foggy, he could barely put the fork in his mouth, more or less pick up food with it. Brian noticed, but he wasn’t going to say anything. If Justin wanted to talk about it, he would. He always did. 

Brian had to practically carry Justin to the shower and bathe him off, not that he minded it though. He always loved lathering soap onto his already porcelain skin. He tried to keep his hormones down while touching the man. He didn’t want Justin to think he had to be all sexed up when he felt like shit. Brian still couldn’t help the few semi’s that came on though. 

When Brian realized that Justin was going to need help even getting dressed he said to him, “I’m calling Debbi; there is no way that you are up for work today. You can’t even lift you finger without being winded.” 

Justin just shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, Bri; I’ll do it. Can you just get me my phone?” 

Brian hated seeing him so helpless like this. There really was nothing he could do for him except try to make him feel better, which he knew from his own experience that that hardly ever worked. He did as he was asked and brought the phone to Justin.

“Hey Debbi, this is Justin...Yeah, I know, I feel exhausted too…No I was not out a Babylon all last night…And as if it were any of your business, no I didn’t have a late night with Brian either. I just think I am coming down with something…thanks Debbi…Yeah, I’ll call you if I need anything…Bye.” 

Justin could feel his breakfast rising from his stomach. It wasn’t going to stay there much longer. “Brian, I really don’t feel so well. I think I’m going to…Oh, God…” He tried to get up as fast as he could but he still could barely move. Brian came over to assist him to the bathroom. Justin was holding his stomach, trying to keep everything down till he as least got to bathroom. He barely made it; and as he leaned over the toilet, everything from a few minutes earlier came right back up. 

When his stomach was satisfied that there was nothing else left there, Justin tried to stand. His eyes were watering and his face was flushed from the vigorous vomiting. He clutched on to Brian like he was a child just learning how to walk. Brian slid his arms around Justin’s waist and held him upright. Justin didn’t think that he was going to last much longer. 

“Bria…” he wasn’t able to finish his name before he passed out, luckily in the grasp of the stronger man. Brian tried to wake him up, but to no prevail. 

“Sunshine!…SUNSHINE!…JUSTIN WAKE UP! WAKE UP! THIS IS NOT FUNNY.” Brian was more scared than he had ever been in his life. Justin wasn’t waking up and he had no idea what to do except take him to the hospital.


	2. Sick

Brian picked the blonde up and carried him outside to the Jeep. Somehow, he managed to open the door, and get him inside without bumping him into anything. He buckled him up and quickly ran to the driver’s side and got in. 

Brian was surprised that the police didn’t stop him on his way to the hospital. He drove nearly a hundred the whole way. About two minutes before arriving at the emergency room, Justin woke up.

“Where are we? How did I get in the Jeep? Jesus, Brian…slow down?” His head was pounding like he had just been hit with a bat. He quickly threw that thought out of his mind, as it brought back too many bad memories. His head hurt like he was having the worst hang over of his life. That was better.

“You passed out and then wouldn’t wake up. The only thing I knew to do was to take you to the emergency room. That’s where we are headed now,” Brian’s voice wavered. He was still shocked by the feeling of Justin’s body go lifeless in his arms. 

“I’m fine now. Let’s just go back home.” Justin really hated the hospital. He hated the smell, the feeling, the gowns, the doctors, everything.

“No, there is something wrong with you and we are going to figure out what it is.” Brian’s persistence was starting to become aggravating. 

“I’m fine. I will go home, and make a doctors appointment for tomorrow, or as soon as they can get me in. I don’t need to go to the emergency room.” Justin was trying everything in his power to stay away from there.

“Fine, but I am staying with you today, and I am going with you when you go.” Brian couldn’t have him passing out while driving or anything. 

“I’ll…”

“NO,” Brian cut him off. “You’re not protesting this. What I say, goes.”

Justin knew not to argue anymore.  
***

Two days later, Justin was at the doctor’s office. He had to have some blood taken, along with the regular check up examination. Dr. Lanely came in to where the two men were waiting.

“Well, it seems as if your white blood cell count is extremely high. This can be a number of things. I don’t want to alarm you, cause it could just turn out to be a virus, but we are going to take some precautions just to make sure. You are very young, and from the looks of it, you take very good care of your self. Let’s just set up another appointment at my office a few blocks away. How is next Monday for you?”

“That’s fine,” Brian answered for him. He wasn’t going to give Justin the chance to make up some excuse to not go. 

“Well, then it’s set. Next Monday, 10:30 a.m.”  
***

“It’s probably just a virus. I don’t see why doc is getting so worked up over it. Hell, I don’t see why you are Brian.” Justin tried to wiggle his way out of having to go back to the doctor’s office when Monday came round. 

“You’re not getting out of this Justin. I want you to be healthy, and if that means you are spending the rest of the week with me, the so be it. And if it means that you have to go have more of your precious blood taken, you’re going to do that too.” Brian hated to be the authoritarian, okay, maybe he didn’t. but he hated making Justin feel worthless. 

“Fine, but at least go back to work. I can do it on my own. Plus, I can’t count on you to cook for me. We saw what happened with that this morning.” He tried to joke, but he was still exhausted, and laughing took too much out of him. 

“Quit being an ass. You may be sick, but that doesn’t mean I am going to take all of your shit. I can just order out, it’s what I did before you, I can do it again. So what will it be for lunch?” He wasn’t going to give Justin a way out of this. He would just have to deal with it.

“I don’t know. Tacos sound good to me.” Ugh, Brian wasn’t in the mood for Mexican, or even Americanized Mexican, but if that’s what his Sunshine wanted, he’d do it. Just getting him to eat seemed like a good idea as any. 

They ate their lunch in near silence and when Brian had thrown everything away, they laid together on the couch and turned the television on. Brian held Justin as close as he could without hurting the boy. He just wanted to make him feel better. Well, he really had another motive for him getting better; Brian really wanted to fuck him. It had been nearly three days. That just wasn’t normal.

Brian realized that Justin had fallen asleep by his deep breathing. He decided that he should nap too. Who knew, Justin’s wonderful stomach techniques could kick back in at any moment.


	3. Sick

“Are you sure you don’t need to go into work?” Justin asked, hoping Brian would give him some time to himself. He was tired of being treated like he was dying. He was just having some tests run. So yeah, he was feeling like shit, but he had had many of illnesses.

“I’m sure. I have called Cynthia every day this week and all is running smoothly. Now shut it. You’re stuck with me.” Brian was leaning his head back on the couch, eyes closed. He really did hope that all of this was just a virus, but if it was, then why did the doctor want to run more tests. He always thought of these things, though he hated it.

Justin sighed and pulled out his sketchpad. His mind was blocked; he didn’t know what to draw. This was odd, he always had something come to his mind when he sat down to sketch. He opted to draw Brian. The man was always his favorite subject. Justin always seemed to capture him in a way no other could. It was the truth, the truth that no one had ever bothered to see. 

About an hour into this, Justin had to lay his head down, he eyes were becoming extremely heavy, and he didn’t have the motivation to get up. 

Obviously several hours later, as the sun was getting lower, the phone rang and woke both of the men up. Brian answered.

“Hello?…Ted, I talked to Cynthia. Brian is sick, and I just stayed here to take care of him…No, that client was taken care of…What do you mean they weren’t satisfied?…Well, tell them they will just have to wait…They have to wait…For fuck’s sake, can no one take a sick day…Think you can finish it Ted?…Thanks, I owe you…No not like that…Ha ha, lunch is on me for a whole week once I return...All right, where ever you want…Bye.”

“There a problem, Bri?” Justin’s eyes were still heavy and it could be heard in his voice. 

“Nah, Ted’s taking care of it. You need anything?”

“I’m fine, just really tired. It seems like I can’t get enough sleep.”

“Fuck, I look terrible when I sleep.” Brian had caught a glimpse of Justin’s sketch. He didn’t think the sketch was bad, it looked just like him, he just thought he looked like shit sleeping like that. 

“You looked…well…beautiful. I couldn’t help but draw you.” He paused for a moment. “Hey Bri, could you help me up to bed. I really want to sleep, and I don’t feel like falling on the way there.” Brian helped him, but he couldn’t help but wonder what was making this young, vibrant man so exhausted all the time. It was like he had no life in him. Plus, he was still aggravated that he wasn’t getting any. The tricks just weren’t worth the time, also, he hadn’t really left Justin since he became ill.

“You want anything to eat? I’m kind of hungry.” He really just wanted to see the blonde eat something. He was still frail and he seemed to be consuming less each day.

“Sure, just wake me whenever it gets here,” he was already drifting off to sleep.

“Anything in particular you want?” 

“No, I don’t care,” he said in a barely audible whisper.

Brian waited until he couldn’t take it any longer and ordered out some food. He wanted Justin to get as much rest as possible, but when his stomach rumbling was heard over every other sound in the loft and in his mind, he figured it was time. He walked into their bedroom and lightly shook Justin, “Hey Jus, foods here.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute,” he said, obviously more asleep than awake.

“You’re going to need my help, so get up so I can eat.”

 

Brian decided to bring the food to him, figuring it would just be easier, although he was afraid of getting food permanently stuck in his bed. He had to practically feed Justin and himself because the boy could barely even keep his head up. His energy was depleting faster than he could put more in him. Almost immediately after he finished eating, the blonde fell right back asleep. He didn’t wake again until nearly the next afternoon. 

“Morning Sunshine,” Brian said cheerfully from the window. “Although, I do believe the real one has been out for quite a bit longer than you have.” This brought a smile to both of the men’s faces.

“Fuck, I need to feel better. This is taking way too much out of me,” a disgruntled Justin said.

“Yeah, I agree. But mostly, I just want to get you back naked in that bed of ours.” 

“That’s all you ever want, but hey, who am I to disagree with you?” Justin was missing that passion between them too, but he just never had the energy for anything more than walking to take a piss.

Monday came around, and the two headed for Dr. Lanely’s office. He took some more blood, asked Justin a few questions, and then told them that he would call them back in the next few days when he got the results from the tests he was going to run.

Brian still stayed with Justin, even though the latter highly protested it, even though he knew there was no way he was going to be able to make it through a day on his own. The two had both succumbed to wearing sweatpants and lazy t-shirts. They weren’t leaving the loft, and the only people who came by were they deliverymen. Brian had told everyone else to stay away in case what Justin had was contagious. 

The phone call from Dr. Lanely finally came. Brian picked up the phone because Justin was asleep, like usual. “Hello?…Oh yes, hello Dr. Lanely…You want us to come in tomorrow around 9:30? Okay, why can’t you just tell me what it is over the phone?…Okay, is something really wrong?…Fine, see you tomorrow morning. Bye.” Brian was highly frustrated at that phone conversation. He had wanted answers, but the doctor would say nothing. That was bullshit. Anything he had to say concerning Justin’s health could be said over the phone, but there was no convincing the doctor.

When Justin woke up, Brian told him about the conversation with Dr. Lanely and the look on Justin’s face told Brian that he was frightened. He was obviously thinking the same things that had crossed though his own mind. If it were just a virus, the doctor would have told him over the phone; it was obviously something more serious.

That night, Brian set the alarm clock with a tiny touch of fear. Tomorrow might be a trying day, but at least Justin wasn’t going to go through it alone. He would be there for him, he always would. He crawled into bed and pulled his lover closer to him. Even though he found it uncomfortable to sleep on his back, he did it any way just so that he would have his Sunshine next to him all night.


	4. Sick

The alarm clock went off way too early for the both of them. Brian was the first to scramble out of bed and attempt to get ready. He had to also get Justin ready. Brian tried to stay calm and collected as to not startle Justin, but nothing was really working for him on the inside. He said, and did, everything that could possibly make his Sunshine feel better about this whole situation.

Brian made sure that Justin at least wore jeans. There was no way he would be seen in public the way he had been dressing the past couple of days, and he wasn’t about to let Justin do it either. He did however, manage to keep the level of comfort at a high one. 

Breakfast was out of the question for both of them because they were too anxious to hear what the doctor had to say to them. Brian had to bodily carry Justin to the Jeep (which he was getting used to in the past week). Not a word was spoken between the two on the drive to Dr. Lanely’s. Neither really knew what to say. But the routine followed as Brian helped Justin out of the Jeep and into the office. 

Brian went up to the front desk as Justin sat down in a chair. “Oh, Mr. Kinney, Dr. Lanely is expecting both you and Mr. Taylor now. You can go back there immediately,” the receptionist said in her obviously fake politeness. Brian nodded his head and gave a small smile and then helped Justin into the back office.

Brian could do nothing but touch Justin. He tightly interlocked fingers his partner and said to him, “Whatever it is, we can get through this. That is, if it’s anything at all.” He was trying to comfort Justin, but by the look on his face, nothing was working. He kept hold of his hand and stroked with the other until the doctor came in. When this happened, his grip on the boy’s hand tightened and he flinched in slight pain. “Sorry Sunshine,” he said, loosening his grip and not really caring that he had just said ‘sorry’.

“Good morning Mr. Taylor, Mr. Kinney,” Dr. Lanely said as he sat down in his chair. Both men said good morning back, but with an anxious tone in their voices. Dr. Lanely sat Justin’s file on his desk, put on his glasses, and opened the folder up. 

“Well, it seems that I have a bit of bad news for you. However, along with that comes some good news.”

Both Brian and Justin tensed up, afraid of what the doctor was going to say. ‘How can there be good news in spite of bad news?’ Brian thought. He waited impatiently for the few moments in between the doctor’s words.

“We have found that you have testicular cancer, Justin.” Both of the men’s’ hearts sank and their eyes started to well up with tears almost immediately. “However, you are in the beginning stages of it, so we are confident that we can get rid of it all. It won’t be easy, but we will get you back to original health.”

“What do you mean, I’m only twenty-one. How do I get cancer?” Justin’s mind was in a total uproar at the information he had just been given. “And what do you mean by ‘it won’t be easy’? What am I going to have to go through for the chance at survival.”

“First off Justin, you are going to survive. The process isn’t going to be a glamorous one, but you will live and you will get your strength back.”

“Just tell us what we have to do to get him back healthy again.” Brian still couldn’t believe what he had just heard. ‘It should be me in his position. He is way to young for this and I am the one with more sexual partners in my life than I can count.’ His mind was racing with these thoughts and so many more like them. 

“Well, the hardest part for most men comes when we have to remove the infected testicle.”

“You mean I’m gong to lose one of testicles?” Justin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This was a part of him, a part of him that meant a lot to him, not to mention Brian. 

“I told you that was the hardest part to cope with.” Dr. Lanely continued. “However, if we remove it promptly, the cancer won’t have a change to spread. Then after that, you will have to go through a series of radiation treatments to ensure that ever cancerous cell is killed. This is going to make you very weak and you are probably going to have to have someone take care of you at all times. You aren’t going to be up for normal leisurely activities for some time, but a few weeks after your last treatment, you should be.”

All of this was hitting Justin like a ton of bricks. He took better care of himself than most people twice his age, so why was he getting this? Was God damning him for being homosexual? What was he going to do?

“So when do I need to have one of my most valued parts removed?” Justin tried to make as light of it as he could. 

“Well, we need to schedule you in as soon as possible.” Dr. Lanely looked in his date book that he carried with him. “Is Friday okay with you. I can get in you, and have you home by Sunday.”

“Well, I guess the sooner I get this over with the better,” Justin sighed.

“We’ll be there,” Brian let out really fast. He really didn’t know what else to think. He wanted, no needed Justin to get better. There was no way he was going to let anything happen to him after they had gotten this far in their relationship. Yes, he had to admit it to himself, he was in a relationship with Justin. He liked it, too. “What time?”

“Have him at the hospital by 8 a.m. and make sure he has nothing to eat after 8 p.m. the night before. The receptionist at the front desk will give you all the information you need. Take as much time as you need in here before you leave. If there is anything else you need, just ask the nurse, and she will come get me.” With that, Dr. Lanely got up, took Justin’s folder in hand, and left the room.

“I can’t fucking believe it. I should be in your position, Sunshine. You don’t deserve any of this.” Brian’s thoughts were now leaking out of his mouth. He believed every word of it, but he didn’t want Justin to see him in this state of weakness.

“Well, you’re not. It’s me in this position and I am going to be the one permanently scarred, no longer good enough for you. Fucking shit. How did this happen? What did I do wrong for me to get this?” Justin was crying, but his rage covered that up. 

Brian looked over at his lover and his heart broke. “You did nothing wrong and just because you are going to lose a ball doesn’t mean that you are no longer good enough for me. Yes, I highly appreciate the perfection of your body, but you’re still going to be my Sunshine. We’ll get through this.”

Justin just sat there. He really didn’t want to have this discussion in an unfamiliar place, especially a doctor’s office. “Let’s just go back to the loft and we can talk it out there. I can’t stand to stay here anymore.”

Brian complied, but he was still worried at how Justin was taking all of this. He knew it was killing him on the inside, but what could he be thinking. He was the one whose own body was working against him; who had just found out some of the most terrible news anyone could hear. They would most definitely finish this discussion when they got home, whether Justin liked it or not.


	5. Sick

The ride home was one of the most deadly silences that either of the men had ever endured. Justin didn’t want to talk, and Brian didn’t know what to say. He wished he knew the exact words that would make Justin feel better and even more, he wished he knew how to make all of this go away. Neither of them was in the mood to eat, so they just headed back towards the loft.

Once there, Brian was determined to get everything in order and everything settled. His organization quirks were kicking in and it bothered him. “Sunshine, we need to talk.”

“No we don’t; and don’t fucking call me Sunshine. My ray of light has obviously gone out.” Justin was now being bitchy and it wasn’t helping the situation.

“No, we need to talk whether you like it or not. There are things to discuss. I am not just some pet that you kick around. I’m your partner and I have a right to be in on this.”

“Partner?!? Oh, so now that I might possibly die I am your partner. That’s fucking shit; just leave me alone Bri.”

Brian took the hit and figured that now wasn’t the time to deal with all of this. Maybe if Justin slept it off for a few hours, he would be up for talking later. They had to discuss this at some point in time. He really did care for the blonde. “What would I ever do without you,” Brian whispered under his breath as he watched Justin retreat back into their room and close the door.

Nothing was said between the two until the next morning. “You really need to go into work Brian,” Justin said as sincerely as possible. While most of his intentions were the other man’s job, he also wanted to have a bit of alone time so he could think this whole situation through.

“I know, but I don’t want to leave you here by yourself. Ted said that he would take care of all of my accounts while I was out and he said to take my time.”

“But he doesn’t know that I have cancer Brian. This could take several, several months to get over. You cannot stay away from the agency that long. You would go back only to find that they had someone else in your office.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I guess I will go in after lunch today. I need to call Cynthia and Ted, then go shower and get ready. Want to come?”

“Yeah, I guess now is better than later. At least I have a bit more energy. Plus, this might be the last time that you see me whole.”

“Don’t joke like that.” Brian hated to sound hateful at a time like this, but he really didn’t need Justin playing all of this off. 

“Fine.”

When Brian left for work, he kissed Justin fervently and said, “I’ll be home in a few hours. You just take it easy.” The blonde nodded his head and closed the door behind his lover. He knew what he had to do, and he knew it wasn’t going to be easy. He sat down at the desk and pulled out a few sheets of paper and a pen.

Brian found the letter on the kitchen counter when he came home. Seeing Justin’s handwriting, and no Justin, frightened him. He hastily picked up the letter and began to read.

Brian,   
I really hate to just leave you this letter to explain how I feel, but there is really no other way that I can convey my feelings to you without you changing my mind. I do realize that you care about me and that you want to go through all of this with me, but I cannot allow you to do that. I cannot allow you to jeopardize everything you have worked for just because I am ill. You have to understand all of this, and understand why I am choosing this way out.

You spent an entire week with me when we thought that I just had a virus or something. You could’ve easily gone to work, and left me to rest on the couch with some snacks near me to eat. I understand that you stayed only because you were worried, but this is much bigger. It’s bigger than both of us and we can’t control it. I didn’t ask for this, and neither did you. 

I have to deal with this; you don’t. This is my body, and my cancer. Let me deal with it on my own. I don’t want to cause you any more trouble than I have to, and I fear that I might already have. So take this utterly dishonest note and write me out of your life. I have left, and as you will find when you go into your room, all of my things are gone too. Please don’t call me, or try to find me. Just go on with your life. There are plenty of other men out there that want you. You know that, and that’s something you don’t have to worry about. I love you, but I need to do this. 

Yours,   
Justin

 

Brian had tears welling up in his eyes. This was way too much for him to deal with. First, Justin has a potentially life threatening disease, and now Justin was gone. How could he be this selfish? Brian was dealing with this too; this was his battle too. 

Brian fell to the floor, back against the kitchen island, knees to his chest, and cried. At this point, he didn’t care about keeping himself composed, he wanted Justin to come back. He wanted to take care of all of this, but mostly, he wanted to take away his lover’s pain.


	6. Sick

When Brian was finally able to pull himself off of the floor, he picked up his phone. He stared at the phone book and figured he would call Daphne. Maybe she would be able to tell him something without Justin having to know about it.

“Hey Brian,” a cheery voice picked up the phone. She obviously knew nothing of the events of the passed several days, but Brian figured he would ask anyway.

“Hey, Daphne. Have you heard from Justin today?”

“No, is there something wrong?”

“No,” think fast Brian, “we just got into an argument and he stormed out of the loft. I was hoping I could find him so we could just fuck and get over it.” That was normally what happened when Justin left and the excuse seemed to be working.

“Ah, I see. Like usual then?” She always questioned everything.

“Yeah, like usual.” He hated lying to her, but he didn’t want to tell her if Justin didn’t want her to know. “Well, if you hear from him, will you just let me know. Don’t tell him I am looking for him; the little twat would let it go to his head.” Keep it cool Kinney; we don’t need her getting all worried.

“Yeah, I’ll do that. You take care, and try to stop pissing each other off. This really gets aggravating after a while; always being your mediator and such.”

Great, she bought it. “Okay Daphne. Take care. Later.” He then hung up his phone. If Daphne didn’t know anything of Justin’s whereabouts, then no one did. He only knew of one other thing to do; call Justin himself. God he hoped it would work.

On the third ring Brian had almost given up hope and figured he would just get his voice mail, but surprisingly Justin picked up. “What Brian? I thought I told you not to call.” Brian could hear him sobbing through his words.

“Yeah, well you know me; I don’t really give up that easily. Now where the fuck are you. You’re coming home tonight.” 

Justin knew when Brian commanded him like that, there was nothing else to do but comply. He was going to put up as much of a fight as possible. “No I’m not. This is my battle and I will deal with it as I want to.”

“We’re partners, and we have been for nearly four years, whether I have fessed up to it or not. I care about you, and I am going to help you through this. Now tell me where the fuck you are so I can come get you.”

“Jesus Christ, Brian. Why can’t you just let me be a man for once? I don’t always need you to take care of me. I’m a big boy now; let me act like it.”

Brian could hear Justin’s walls breaking down. It broke his heart to hear the man that he cared about so much feel so vulnerable to something that no one could change. “I have let you be a man. Now let me show you that I love…” he paused for a moment. Had the word love just came out of his mouth? He did; he did love Justin, and now was the time to prove it. “Now let me show you that I love you by taking care of you when you need it the most. I will let you have your time to yourself and try to do things yourself, but you can’t do this alone. I can’t do this alone.” His heart was racing. Would Justin accept this proclamation, or reject him because of his helplessness.

“I’m at the park, sitting on a bench watching everyone go about their lives as if everything were fine in the world.” 

Brian breathed a sigh of relief. “I’ll be right there. Please, don’t go anywhere.”

“I won’t.” Justin’s crying was uncontrollable by now. “Brian, please don’t hang up the phone. I just want to hear your voice.”

Brian’s heart broke again at his love’s pain. “I won’t; I’ll stay on here right up until I am right next to you, and then I will talk to you and whisper in your ear until you sleep.” He was racing out the door and already in his Jeep. Two minutes and he would have Justin back safely in his arms. “Then, I will wake up as I feel you stir right before you wake, and start whispering you out of your slumber. I will stay with you all day tomorrow, and then return back to work for only half days until you get better. I will not lose you; and you will not lose me.” He paused for a moment. He could feel his false strength wearing thin.

“Please don’t stop talking Brian. It’s about the only thing holding me together right now.” His pain could be heard over the phone.

“I love you, Justin. I am not saying this because you are sick; I am saying this because I mean it. I just haven’t been able to say it. I don’t want you to go on thinking that I only keep you around because you are a fox in bed. I keep you around because you make me feel like I have never felt before. You appreciate everything that I am, and you expect nothing out of me in return. You just want me to be me. In that, you have changed me; you have made me a better person.” By now, he was walking up to the park, searching for the blonde’s body. He spotted him and began running. 

“I love you, too, Brian,” Justin said through his obvious tears, “I love you, too.”

“Turn around Sunshine,” Brian said. Justin stood to his feet and spun around as quickly as possible. The men shut their phones and embraced each other like they would never let go. “Let’s go home and get you settled back in. I think I can whip up some chicken noodle soup. That can’t be as hard as scrambled eggs.”

“I love you, Brian.”

“I love you, too, Justin.”


End file.
